Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm getting married
To pizza
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
