If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
