She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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