You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
