bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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