We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
me + whiskey = a bad person
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
