I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
