Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
