So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize