She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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