Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
