Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
