why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
