Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
