oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
