yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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