On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
barbara walters just said penis...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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