Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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