i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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