Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
