my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
