i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
