I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Pants are for mortals
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
