You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
