WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
