And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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