Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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