They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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