woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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