You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
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