too bad you live with your parents still
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
That accounts for only three of the penises
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
