Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I will pee on everything he values.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
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