guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
