RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
