I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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