Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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