hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Floor bacon is actually really good
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
