we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
