Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
