He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
no, he came in my armpit
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I am naked and annoyed.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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