Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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