my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
