I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
