I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Two words: nipple clamps
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