I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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