If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm having to shit out rocks
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
