I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
