It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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