I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
