You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
