Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he fucked my hip out of place.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
