It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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