Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
