everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
