How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
