I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
