I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
