i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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