these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
