Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You ruined the universe
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
