When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize